How to tell your parents about your Depression and Anxiety
How to Tell Your Parents That You Are Pregnant
Telling your parents that you're pregnant can almost be as scary as being pregnant. Once you've learned the news, you may be feeling too overwhelmed to figure out a way to tell them, but if you follow these steps, you'll be on your way to having an open and honest conversation with your parents — and to figuring out what to do next.
Before telling your parents you’re pregnant, carefully plan how you want to start - you might try something like, "I have something very difficult to tell you." Prepare to answer any questions your parents might have, especially if they don't know you are sexually active. Make sure you have their full attention before telling them, and try to choose a time when they aren't stressed, like after dinner. When you break the news, maintain eye contact, be strong with your delivery, and listen to what they have to say.For more help on what exactly you can say, read on!
Preparing for the Talk
Prepare what you'll say.Though your parents will be overwhelmed by your news no matter what, you can ease the blow by sounding as articulate and mature as possible when you tell them. Here are some things to think about:
Anticipate how your parents will react.Once you've figured out how to best communicate how you feel and what you'll say, you need to start thinking about how your parents will respond. This will depend on many factors, including how they have reacted to difficult news in the past, if your sexual activity will be a complete shock to them, and what their values are. Here are some things to consider:
- Do they know you're sexually active? If you've been having sex for months, or even years, and they don't have the slightest clue, they will be more surprised than if they suspect, or even if they know, that you are having sex.
- What are their values? Are they liberal about premarital sex, or do they think you absolutely should not have sex until you are married, or close to being married?
- How have they reacted to bad news in the past? Though it's unlikely that you've delivered such dramatic news to them previously, you should consider how they've reacted to disappointing news in the past. How did they react when you told them you failed a class or dented their car?
- If your parents have a history of reacting violently, then you should not tell them alone. Find a trusted relative who is more open-minded to join you, or even bring your parents to your doctor or a school counselor to deliver the news.
- You can even practice having the conversation with a close friend. If you're pregnant, it's likely that you've told your best friend about it, and she may not only have some insight into how your parents will react, but she could also rehearse the conversation with you so you'll have a better sense of how your folks will react.
Pick the right time to have the conversation.Though it's important to deliver the news in a timely manner, it's also crucial to pick a good day and time so your parents are as receptive to the news as possible. Here are some things to consider:
- Don't be dramatic. If you say, "I have something incredibly important to tell you guys. When is a good time to talk?" then your parents will likely want to have the conversation right then and there, and you may not be prepared. Instead, try to be as calm as you can when you say, "There's something I want to talk to you about. When is a good time to talk?"
- Pick a time when your parents can give you their full attention. Pick a time when both of your parents are home and when they're not planning to go out for dinner, to pick up your brother from soccer practice, or to entertain friends later. They should ideally be free after the conversation, so they can take the time to let the news sink in.
- Pick a time when your parents are the least likely to be stressed. If your parents are usually very stressed or tired when they get back from work, wait until after dinner, when they've loosened up a bit, to have the conversation. If they seem to always be stressed during the week, talk to them on the weekend. A Saturday may work better than a Sunday, because by Sunday evening, they may already be worried about their work week.
- Pick a time that works for you. Though you should pick the best possible time for your parents, don't forget to factor in your own feelings. Pick a time when you're not too exhausted after a long week of school, and when you're not worried about a big exam the next day.
- If you want anyone else to be there, pick a time that works for that person too. If you want your significant other to be there, this is a very big decision and you should make sure that this will make the situation more comfortable instead of even more unpleasant.
- Don't delay the conversation for too long. Picking an optimal time will help the conversation go as smoothly as possible, but delaying the talk for weeks because everyone is too busy and stressed will only make things worse.
Breaking the News
Tell them your news.This is the hardest part of the plan. Though you have prepared what you'll say and have anticipated their reaction, and though you have picked the best time to have the conversation, this will still be one of the toughest conversations of your life.
- Relax. Chances are that you've already played out the conversation in your head a thousand times. But what you need to realize is that you're predicting, most likely, is the Worst Case Scenario. Stop. You are 100 times more likely to get a better reaction from your parents than the ones you might be expecting. Relaxing will only make things easier.
- Make your parents feel comfortable. Though it's unlikely that you'll have small talk for a while, you can smile, ask them how they are, and reassure them with a pat on the hand before you tell them the news.
- Say, "I have something very difficult to tell you. I'm pregnant." Say it firmly and with as much strength as possible.
- Maintain eye contact and open body language. Look as approachable as you can when you tell them the news.
- Tell them how you're feeling. It's likely that they will be so shocked that they won't react right away. Tell them how you're feeling about the pregnancy. Remind them that this has been very tough for you.
Take the time to listen.Now that you've told them your news, they will have a strong reaction. Whether they are angry, emotional, confused, hurt, or full of questions, they will need some time for the news to sink in. Take it slow and listen to their side of the story without interrupting.
Discuss the next steps.Once your news is out in the open and you and your parents have discussed your feelings as well as their feelings, it will be time to figure out what to do about your pregnancy. If there is a difference of opinions, as there may well be, then this may be more difficult. But remember that you should feel relieved now that the news is out in the open and that you can work through it together.
- You may not be able to discuss the next steps immediately in the conversation. Your parents may need some time to cool down, and you may both need some time to get a hold of your emotions.
- Remember that though this crisis is probably the toughest thing you have gone through, that you and your family will grow stronger by working out the problem together.
QuestionWhat if they want me to get an abortion and I don't?Top AnswererThen don't. No one can force you to get an abortion. It's your body and your choice alone.Thanks!
QuestionIs this article aimed at women or teens?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerThis advice generally applies more to teens and young adults. You will probably not have to prepare for the more extreme reactions if you are older.Thanks!
QuestionWhat if my mom kill me when I tell her?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerNo. She may be upset, though, and that's understandable. Go in with a positive face. If you think she really won't handle the news well, write her a letter, and remember to keep it positive.Thanks!
QuestionWhat if I killed the baby already?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIf you had an abortion, then there's no need to tell anyone. You should stop thinking of it as "killing the baby", though. That's pretty rough.Thanks!
QuestionI am 15 years old and I am pregnant. How can I tell my parents?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerRead the article; that's what it's here for. I know it's difficult.Thanks!
QuestionWhat if my parents want to disown me?Top AnswererYour parents can legally disown you at their discretion. The best thing you can do is find a shelter for pregnant youths.Thanks!
QuestionWhat if my dad kills me?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerThat's probably not going to happen. If you're legitimately worried he will become violent, you should find an alternative place to stay for a while until things calm down.Thanks!
QuestionI live with a big family and am currently studying in college, I'm 16 weeks pregnant and I want to have an abortion, but my boyfriend is against it. What can I do?Top AnswererIt's your body, it's your decision. However, keep in mind that if you go along with the abortion, you will probably have to break up with your boyfriend. If you value your health and financial future and are okay with losing him, then go with the abortion. If he is willing to financially help you with this baby, stop playing video games, stop partying, stop drinking, and be a father, then feel free to reconsider. In the end, it is always your decision, and whatever you choose is right. No one has the right to tell you what to do about your own body.Thanks!
- Remember that your parents should love you no matter what. Though the conversation will be incredibly difficult, it should only strengthen your bond in the end.
- If you're determined for your significant other to be there during your conversation, then make sure your parents have met him before and are aware that he exists. Bringing someone they don't know about into the mix during the big talk will just throw them a curve ball they don't need.
- Be prepared for anger from your parents. Have a plan in case they kick you out or tell you that you must have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption, even though this probably won't happen.
- If your parents have a history of violent behavior, do not tell them the news by yourself. Take them to see your doctor or school counsellor.
- If you're not sure if your want to keep your child, try to have the conversation as soon as you can so you can decide what to do next. The longer you delay the conversation if you want to have an abortion, the greater your health risks will be.
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