7 Ways to Have Amazing Sex Tonight
Have Great Sex Tonight
Pop quiz: What’s the key to great sex? Mastering foreplay? Having dimple-free thighs? Memorizing tricky anatomical positions? Nope, of course not, and not even close, says sex therapist Marty Klein, PhD, author ofSexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex—and How to Get It.
In fact, it’s all those convoluted ideas about what sex is supposed to be that make it more complicated—and less pleasurable—than it needs to be, he says. So what is “sexual intelligence”? It’s all about changing the way you think about sex, says Dr. Klein. It’s going from how you viewed it as a young adult to a more mature perspective—one that takes all the info you've learned and experiences you’ve had and molds it into a more realistic view of being intimate.
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“If you use your young adult vision of sex with your mature body, you’re going to have trouble,” says Dr. Klein. “If you put together a different vision of sex that’s attuned to your current situation—a body with a few dings, a partner who isn’t young, limitations of time and place, emotional scars—your chance of a satisfying encounter is much greater.”
Here’s how you can boost your sexual intelligence for great sex at any age:
Redefine sexy.There’s no need to embrace society’s notion that sexy equals young. Not only is it unrealistic, but it’s setting yourself up for failure, says Dr. Klein. Instead, define sexy for yourself. For some, this might mean having a kick-ass sense of humor, and for others it can mean being generous, a great kisser, or being super experimental in the bedroom.
Pepper in some pillow talk.This can be a playful approach to help couples better discuss what’s lacking in their sex life and ways they can improve it. Start small, says Michele Weiner-Davis, author ofThe Sex Starved Marriage, like coming up with a certain pet name for something you like that your partner’s doing.
Don’t think scheduling sex will ruin the fun.“In real life, you have to plan when you’ll be available for sex,” says Dr. Klein. Making an appointment for getting busy between the sheets might not sound romantic, but for couples with crazy-busy lives, setting aside time for sex is a smart way to make sure you’re actually having it.
Set the scene.We’re not talking about candles and rose petals here, but rather, whatever it takes to create an environment that’s as physically and emotionally comfortable as you can make it. For instance: “For heaven’s sake, keep the lube in the night table and not in the bathroom,” says Dr. Klein.
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